


Not as Fine as He Thought

by aeriiin



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Collaboration, Crying During Sex, Lots of feelings my dudes, M/M, Mentions of past homophobia, first time writing anything of this nature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 16:44:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14549013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeriiin/pseuds/aeriiin
Summary: It was Hanzo’s idea that they go off base for the day. Staying at the hotel that evening, however, had been Jesse’s idea, and it had all started with him rubbing Hanzo’s shoulder and whispering to him after dinner in a heated voice that made them both shiver, “Let’s go, sugar.”





	Not as Fine as He Thought

It was Hanzo’s idea that they go off base for the day. Do some window-shopping somewhere downtown, get something to eat at a quiet little restaurant or café, do whatever they wanted just as long as it was _outside_ Watchpoint: Gibraltar. They had been cooped up for far too long anyway, and Jesse was more than ready for a change of scenery.

 

Staying at the hotel that evening, however, had been _Jesse’s_ idea, and it had all started with him rubbing Hanzo’s shoulder and whispering to him after dinner in a heated voice that made them both shiver, “Let’s go, sugar.”

 

They had held hands innocently enough at the check-in desk, Hanzo smiling knowingly to Jesse when the receptionist had turned her back to grab the key. They had hooked their arms together and had pressed up close to one another as they exited the elevator onto their floor, drunk on nothing but their own eagerness as they stumbled to their room. By the time they collapsed into bed, the last of their clothes had hit the ground and Hanzo was well on his way to turning Jesse into a moaning mess among the sheets.

 

“Ah, _fuck,_ ” Jesse whined as Hanzo hiked up his legs and ground their hips together. At this point, his voice was only a stuttering gasp, Hanzo having taken away most of it anyway with his lips pressing warm, needy kisses against his already burning skin. It wouldn’t be long until all knowledge of the English language would be but a distant memory; save, of course, for Hanzo’s name and words of praise. “Shit, that feels good, babe.”

 

Hanzo only grinned and hummed contently, letting the sound get caught in the minute space between them. It was all the warning Jesse got before he felt those powerful hips buck up sharply into his ass. Jesse’s breath hitched, and he clutched Hanzo’s back something fierce.

 

His nails dug into Hanzo’s skin, a breathy laugh tumbling out from his kiss-bruised lips, “You sure I’m your first boyfriend? ‘Cause,” Jesse smirked, “ _Damn._ ”

 

Hanzo paused in his slow, loving pace to sit up, taking on a lordly look as he stared down at the man beneath him. “As I have said before, the clan did not permit me that luxury. Therefore,” A strong hand cupped the underside of his thigh in a gentle caress, then squeezed firmly. Hanzo’s eyes suddenly locked with his own with a soft intensity, “I have never made love to a man until you, Jesse.”

 

Something in his heart stirred at that declaration. It fluttered, flitted, made his chest feel light. His cheeks grew hot, far hotter than they had been before, and he fought the urge to look away.

 

The archer’s smile then took a turn for the wicked. “It helps that I discovered I apparently have a cowboy fetish.”

 

“Shut!” Jesse grunted as he swung his foot up to lightly smack Hanzo in the face. “If you got time to sass, then you--”

 

Hanzo chuckled, using that rough voice he _knew_ made Jesse melt. A soft kiss was pressed to the bend of Jesse’s knee, the bad one. The delicious contrast of Hanzo’s grin and the grit of his beard against his skin sent shivers down Jesse’s spine, and the gunslinger collapsed back into the sheets with a thud. “Oh, _fuck..._ ”

 

But the archer didn’t stop there, oh no. Of course he wouldn’t.

 

He ran his hand from the center of Jesse’s chest to the curve of his shoulder, and continued up to his neck. From there, his fingers crawled up to the side of his face, cradling his jaw as he leaned in to slide their mouths together, the kiss quickly growing into one that was more tongue and teeth than it was lip. Jesse remembered blinking blissfully slow, and when he opened his eyes, Hanzo was at the side of his neck, mouthing and sucking on sensitive skin, and the cowboy curled his toes in delight.

 

The room, the air, their bodies were all blindingly hot, yet those tender touches were what made Jesse really moan and cry out. Hanzo’s hips pistoned into him with seamless, rhythmic thrusts, leaving him wanting more, _dear God, please, more._ It was all so much, yet not enough, and he pulled Hanzo closer.

 

The blazing touches. Their rasping voices tangling together as their hands raked across every inch of each other’s skin. Everything came together so wonderfully that it left his head spinning. He tried to remember a time he ever felt like this during sex.

 

He… struggled to remember those feelings ever during sex.

 

He tried too hard, and then found himself trying _not_ to remember.

 

_No, not now. This time is different._

 

“Y-you know you--”

 

Jesse bit his lip. _Why was he talking?_

 

Was that _actually_ him though? His voice didn’t sound like his own when he spoke. His throat was so dry, his words sounded cracked and forced, and he wasn’t sure why he was even talking. Yet he heard himself speak again, in spite of that voice in his head screaming at him to _shut up, shut up now, please._

 

“I ain’t ever been with anybody who treats me as good as you do.”

 

Hanzo suddenly stopped and pulled away from his neck. Jesse almost whined at the lack of friction until he heard him speak, the archer’s normally strong and commanding voice etched with genuine fear and worry. “Jess?”

 

“What?” Jesse looked up, and immediately saw the same on his face, too. Hanzo softly touched the side of his face, pushing a few strands of hair behind his ear. His fingertips brushed up against something on his cheek, something _wet,_ and Jesse froze when he realized what it was.

 

Tears. He was… crying?

 

“Are you hurt?” Hell, hearing Hanzo’s concerned words in that voice alone would have brought him to tears. Shaking his head weakly, Jesse made as though to stretch and brought up an arm over his face.

 

It was easier to fake a smile, after all, when one’s eyes were hidden.

 

“Nah, I’m fine, Han.” He laughed, not even convincing himself. “C’mon, let’s keep goin’.”

 

Hanzo didn’t move. He didn’t proceed to fuck his brains out until Jesse no longer remembered the past, or anything of the sort. All he did was stare, and though his eyes were covered, Jesse could just feel those sad eyes Hanzo gave him when he was worried out of his mind.

 

“Jesse, how you’re feeling is important.”

 

Folks always talk of ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back’, or something of the sort when they talked of moments like these. Moments where neither party could have realized the gravity of their own words, or the way one could take a sentiment, until it was too late. Yet it was not always a single, final deed that did one in. It rarely was.

 

More often than not, the ‘straw’ was everything crashing down all at once.

 

And for Jesse, it was exactly that. It was how that ball of heat in his gut still ached for Hanzo’s adoring touch, and how the fancy bedsheets were bunched under his back, a memory of the night leading up to now. It was the way Hanzo had pulled back at a moment’s notice when he sensed something was wrong, and spoke to him in a quiet voice meant for his ears only. It was lying under the man he adored, possibly loved, and realizing Hanzo truly cared for him.

 

It was knowing Hanzo had never had anything like this ever before, and neither had he.

 

Jesse’s lip quivered, and he shut his eyes quickly in vain hope of keeping himself together, but it wasn’t enough. He drew in a sharp breath just in time to feel the first of his tears burn their way down his cheek.

 

Hanzo went quickly into his arms. He shifted in place to more easily lie against his chest, and brought up a free hand to run through the other’s hair in soothing movements, all the while whispering against his neck as Jesse sobbed.

 

“You’re okay.” Calloused fingers brushed back his bangs from his forehead, running down the edges of his face until they cupped his jaw and thumbed away a few tears from his eyes. “I’m here with you, Jess.”

 

Jesse wasn’t sure if that was supposed to cheer him up, or make him cry even more. The pair of lips pressed to his brow made him believe it was the former, and he brought up his own hands to his face to wipe away the last of the water.

 

“Thank you,” he croaked, and turned to bury his face into Hanzo’s chest. It was becoming a habit between the two of them, when their emotions ran hot like this, that one would curl up impossibly close to the other and they’d then let themselves go, let out all of those feelings that were otherwise trapped inside.

 

But now, Jesse just needed to be held and be held close. And thankfully, Hanzo seemed to understand his thoughts as he wrapped an arm around his head and cradled him close.

 

“I’m sorry if I--”

 

“It wasn’t you, sweetheart.” Jesse said into his collarbone. “You’re fuckin’ golden.”

 

When he sensed Hanzo was not going to respond, Jesse lifted his head up to meet Hanzo’s gaze with a watery one of his own.

 

God, where did he even _begin_? Ideally he’d start from the beginning, but that itself was a story and a half, and one he wasn’t ready to tell without a bottle of Bulleit Frontier at the ready.

 

“You… you ever realize you been treated like dirt in the past,” He brought up his left arm to Hanzo’s chest, tracing random symbols and figures into his skin as he spoke, “An’ you just… let it happen?”

 

Jesse stopped, and gave a shuddering sigh at his own words. What was he doing, unloading shit like this during _sex?_ He was wrong; this wasn’t the time, nor the place. Hanzo didn’t need to hear about all his issues just yet, didn’t need to listen to the clusterfuck he called his life up until this point. “Wow, okay, this… this is a lot.”

 

Hanzo was staring at him, no doubt. “Jess…”

 

Rolling out of the other’s grip, Jesse pinched his brow in aggravation. “I sure did ruin the mood, didn’t I?” _Please let this be the only thing I ruined,_ he prayed to no god in particular. He turned away towards the wall, away from Hanzo. “You don’t have to stay. We can just… go back to the base.”

 

“Jesse, wait.” A hand gripped his shoulder, holding him gently in place. “You didn’t _ruin_ anything. And you don’t have to disclose anything. But, if it is alright with you,” Jesse felt a warm wall of muscle press up against him, though nothing like it had before, and Hanzo kissed the base of his neck. “I would like to spend the first day off we’ve had in weeks with someone I care for very much.”

 

Hanzo peered over his shoulder down at him with soulful eyes, the beginnings of a smirk on his lips. “Plus, this bed is more comfortable.”

 

Jesse could only offer a fragile huff at that; it was all he had left to give the man who had captured his heart with so few words. He thought about how Hanzo would be the death of him one way or another as they came together for a bittersweet kiss, one that slowly sweetened as time passed. Neither made to escalate it further than what it was; the time for that had long since dissipated when he started bawling like a child mid-sex.

 

In that quiet moment amongst the wrinkled sheets of their hotel bed, everything felt right to Jesse. All that mattered to him was Hanzo, and the way his mouth slid perfectly against his own.

 

But Jesse knew better than to think this moment would, or even could last forever. Whether it was by some cruel trick of God or his own horrible alcohol dependency, the sudden need for something to drink chose to rear its ugly head right then and there. It itched the back of his throat something fierce, itched and itched and _itched,_ until he couldn’t take it any longer, and he finally broke off the kiss with a hesitant sigh.

 

Hanzo furrowed his brow in question, and Jesse shook his head. “I’m… I’ll be fine, I just.” His eyes darted over Hanzo’s shoulders towards the mini-fridge by the bathroom, where his shirt was haphazardly hanging from the doorknob. “Need a drink or a shirt, anythin’. I dunno.”

 

He did his best to ignore Hanzo’s fingers trailing against his back as he rolled out of bed to pour himself a shot of the strongest liquor they had in that damn fridge, some cheap vodka that smelled more like rubbing alcohol than anything else. But a drink was a drink, and he downed it as he would any other day. Jesse grunted at the burn it left in his mouth, threw his shirt back on lazily, and sank back into the bed beside Hanzo.

 

Jesse turned inward towards Hanzo’s shoulder, “M’sorry.”

 

“You’ve done nothing wrong.” Hanzo reached down and gathered the edge of the kicked-aside blankets to pull up over their laps.

 

The cowboy had to laugh. “I don’t know ‘bout you, snapdragon, but I don’t exactly consider ‘cryin’ durin’ sex’ a turn on.”

 

Hanzo was quiet for a minute or so, uncomfortably so, which was saying something considering the two were used to comfortable silences. Just when Jesse was about to ask, Hanzo suddenly brought him back into his chest and rested his chin atop his head.

 

“The first time I kissed another boy, I had an anxiety attack.”

 

Jesse froze and looked up at Hanzo, his expression unreadable as he continued in a steely voice that didn’t sound like his own. “You did what?”

 

“He had been one of Genji’s friends at the time, and we had grown close by proximity. One night, we were alone together. One thing let to another, and we kissed. Only afterwards did I realize the gravity of my actions, however.” The arm around him tightened. “I panicked, told him I never wanted to see him again, and I ran.”

 

“Why?” Jesse shook his head. “What do you mean ‘the gravity of your actions’?”

 

Hanzo’s lips pressed into a thin line, and Jesse was worried he had crossed a line until he heard the other sigh. “My attraction towards men was not in the best interest of the clan. I was expected to marry who _they_ chose and provide viable heirs. They didn’t know of Genji’s friend and I, but the last time I fooled around, I was told to stop being so selfish, and the man was killed.”

 

A cold wave washed over Jesse as Hanzo finally looked down at him, eyes filled with too many emotions to name. There was a sadness Jesse recognized all too well, one that came with remembering things that were best left forgotten. Worry that the things he had shared were too personal, too soon for _them._ Fear that he had messed up somehow.

 

But the thing that he saw most in those pretty brown eyes was _trust_ , and that just made his heart soar right out of his chest.

 

“Shit, babe, I…” Jesse sat up to cradle Hanzo’s head, chuckling bitterly in the space between them to keep himself from crying again, knowing what he knew now about the man in his arms. “I-I don’t even know what to say. S’gotta be painful to talk ‘bout shit like that in itself.”

 

The archer nodded. “Indeed it is.”

 

“What made you bring that up, then?”

 

It was a while before he responded again. The room seemed to grow uncomfortably small in the seconds between talking and not talking, and Jesse wasn’t sure which he preferred more now. Just when the silence became deafening, Hanzo brought up his left hand to rest overtop of Jesse’s, squeezing it carefully.

 

"My past suffocates me at unpredictable times.” Jesse watched as Hanzo’s smile, usually filled with warm adoration, cracked at the corners, and heard his voice, which was not as firm as it had been before. “I don't want you to be ashamed to tell me when yours does as well."

 

“God,” He sniffed sharply, feeling the beginnings of himself crying once more. It was such a simple answer for such complex problems, and yet Jesse knew Hanzo had meant every word. “Jus’ listen to us. Guess we’re both pretty fucked, aren’t we?”

 

“We are.” Hanzo mused quietly as he pulled the blanket up over their bodies with his free hand. “Perhaps that is why we work so well together, then.”

 

Jesse felt a smile break across his face, and he nuzzled back against Hanzo with a tired nod, resting his head against his chest and just listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. “I reckon you might be onto somethin’ there, partner.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> so this is one part of another awesome collab between my friendjordan and I, and honestly i could not be happier with how this whole thing turned out! 
> 
> be sure to check out her comic on tumblr and as always, i have to thank my friend cicada for their awesome editing and such, and all y'all for your support <3


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